Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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