My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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