My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I need a burrito and a hug.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
