how can u be prego again
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
