I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
