Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
