This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
