oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
