I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
