I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
