saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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