I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
