Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i was born a porn star she said
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
