I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
