good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
