Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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