He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
