I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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