On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
