If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
