Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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