bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
