If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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