One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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