Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
