My brain says no but my pants say off.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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