Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
