i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
