I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
