no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
People in love make me want to vomit
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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