How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize