I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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