So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
