is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
