New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
