pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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