The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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