I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
