Kiss
Puke
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
