just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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