wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
