i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
