Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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