It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
