3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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