he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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