Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
