Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize