I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
and you fell through a lawn chair
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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