One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
