She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize