Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
