oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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