Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
