The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
