Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
