i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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