The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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