that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
the liver wants what the liver wants
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize