are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
