this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
