I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize