I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
