Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
