Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
